I promise, you will get through this. Maybe not tonight, but with much assurance I can tell you that it will happen. The ebb and flow of pressure on your broken heart will subside, and you will find your stride and a new “normal”. You are going to be all right, I promise that too. I know because I’ve been there.
Losing a loved one is not something we ever really plan for. We might have some measures in place like a will, or a chosen cemetery plot, or even have the occasional discussion about burial wishes, but no one actually plans to say good bye. That’s too far out in the future.
So we live our lives blindly today in the comforts we are so used to, which is why when good-bye is forced upon us, we are absolutely blown away.
The impression of where you were and how you felt when it happened will never leave you. Ever. Somehow a magical numbness comes over you to get you through the rituals, and you might even feel a little sense of control as you auto-pilot through the arrangements. The days and weeks following are often spent in a perpetual state of super slow motion, while the world outside goes on at its usual pace. It’s such a weird state. You hear the hustle and bustle but you just can’t engage. You want some space but you don’t want to be alone.
Your heart begs for a rewind. And you still can’t believe it happened.
What I can tell you is that from this point on, even though everyone cycles through the grieving process differently, we all come through the other side into a different kind of world and as different people. Life as we knew it has changed forever and it is up to us to decide how to embrace it. For me, it took humor. I actually named my “funk” so that I could boss it around with authority and make it go away.
I talk to my departed loved one with an affectionate “wait till I get my hands on you” tone of voice and sometime find myself chuckling at what I imagine his reaction would be. And I always get the last word in.. for the win!
Humor, I’ve discovered, leads you to a more positive outlook overall. And it’s the positive outlook that’s going to pull you through.
Do something proactive. Plant a tree in honor of your loved one, for it represents life. Dress it up on birthdays and holidays. Ties by the way make pretty cool decorations! Writing in a journal can be healing as well. Try to write something, anything, for 10 days straight and don’t read it until the 11th day. You may surprise yourself with your own words. You can also write to your loved one. S/He would love to hear from you. Feel free to use my “wait till I get my hands on you” tone of voice and let me know if it evokes any kind of reaction!
Until next time, I leave you with some words of advice that helped me more than anything. As you’re pulling yourself through some of those dark moments, try to look at this parting as a transition. That word just softens the blow a little. And somehow it doesn’t feel so final.
Love you all!